To me, marriage is often construed as a fantasy where couples are close to perfect. They talk, go to movies, share every detail of their life and do all sorts of naughty things in the bedroom. Personally speaking, I believe in a fantasy that builds up high standards for myself. Many couples believe in these norms as well, and IF they fail, society will look down upon them, as a result of which they may become envious of other people. I wish we all could live a fantasy. Things like work stress, lack of motivation, arguments with partners or even faults within myself are often prioritised over sex. To that end, I feel we could consider re-adjusting our values and focus on the most important part first (sex!).  With a little bit more love and care, it is indeed possible to turn a little candle flame into a full-blown blazing furnace. Either have a shower, go to the gym, or buy new clothes. The little things can definitely help you look desirable to your partner. Ultimately, sex with your partner is easier said than done. I’m not married and don’t like to judge others. Have a look at these responses.

  1. “Um, have you ever thought about seeing a marriage counsellor?” – 20, F, China
  2. “It is quite sad to me. How can you have kids?” – 22, M, U.K.
  3. “I think it all depends on whether sex is important to the couple. After all, it is their choice to have sex or not. We should not judge them.” – 21, M, Hong Kong
  4. “It is quite important because a sexless marriage often turns into a divorce. Sex is fun, so why not have more of it?” – 51, F, Hong Kong
  5. “Many marriages are sexless simply because they don’t have a hot partner. Would you have sex with someone who looked ugly?” – 21, M, Hong Kong
  6. “Sex is supposed to build intimacy, trust and mutual satisfaction. I don’t understand why people don’t want to have more of it?” – 22, F, India
  7. “I guess it’s because people don’t have the time or energy to try. What you see in pornography is definitely not what is reflected in real life.” – 24, F, Hong Kong
  8. “Well, sex should not be a topic of discussion because it is addictive, much like drugs and alcohol. Love and mutual respect is far more important” – 20, F, France
  9. “It sucks…. please have more sex.” – 21, M, Hong Kong
  10. “ I would move on and find a different partner. Life is too short” – 25, F, U.K.
  11. “It is strange… most men want to have sex with their wife… I wonder why sexless marriages even exist?” – 23, M, Singapore
  12. “Perhaps some couples have phases where they don’t have sex? I’m sure sexless marriages occur when one is going through stress and problems.” – 32, F, Italy
  13. “Maybe, the husband or wife is gay? I don’t know” – 24, F, China
  14. “It’s probably because the husband or wife is no longer sexually attracted to you. Beware of mistresses!” – 53, M, U.K.
  15. “Your wife/husband probably doesn’t feel sexy or happy with themselves. Ask him/her what is wrong and resolve the problem.” – 23, M, Hong Kong
  16. “Just put an end to the relationship…it’s easy as that” – 26, F, Hong Kong
  17. “Maybe, try and get a little bit kinky tonight. That will heat things up for a long time…” – 23, F, South Korea
  18. “Stop complaining and just deal with it….” – 21, M, Hong Kong
  19. “Just have an open-discussion about sex. Your partner will tell you what’s going on and you’d be able to hear the truth.” – 21, F, U.K.
  20. “You’re just incompatible with each other. However, no one is duty-bound to have sex in a marriage. Please don’t force your partner to have sex with you.” – 36, F, U.K.
  21. “Couples could consider adding some spice into their sex life. Try a threesome, toys or whatever. The reason why sexless marriages occur is simply because they don’t try. It’s simple.” – 26, F, U.K.

  22. “I think couples should be less hard on themselves. There is no rule book that says what is right or wrong. Sexless marriages are just fine.” – 32, F, Hong Kong
  23. “Try having more date/movie nights together. Sexless marriages occur when one partner or the other doesn’t have the time to bond with each other” – 37, F, U.K.
  24. “Read more articles in men’s health or cosmopolitan magazine. They give loads of advice on sex and relationships.” – 45, M, U.K.
  25. “Just give her some money and she will give into your desires” – 33, M, U.S.A.
  26. “ I guess people are anti-social these days. There is nothing much you can do about it.” – 19, F, U.K.
  27. “Look at their husband… Would you have sex with them?” – 21, M, Hong Kong
  28. “NO-ONE is obligated to have sex. It just shows how some people are bitter, judgemental and cruel to those who have issues in a marriage.” – 60, F, Hong Kong
  29. “You could try being more romantic and considerate of your partner. Try to light candles, buy roses, give him/her a box of chocolate or a bottle of wine!” – 23, F, Hong Kong
  30. “ Honestly, stop watching soap operas and sh#@. Get a life and live in realty.” – 25, M, U.K.
  31. “Being happily married means making compromises. If you want to have sex, you must do it on her terms. Communicate, communicate and communicate.” – 43, F, U.K.
  32. “Well, sex tends to die down after the honeymoon period. I guess you get too used to each other to be able to care.” – 56, F, Hong Kong
  33. “I would suggest brining a third partner in the relationship to heat things up.” – 21, M, Hong Kong
  34. “Many men stop having sex when they have children. It’s normal. You wouldn’t want your kids seeing you have sex, right?” – 28, F, Hong Kong
  35. “ I don’t get it? Sex is fun! Are they insane?” – 21, F, India
  36. “ The husband/wife is probably very annoying… I would feel trapped being in a sexless marriage. I would want divorce immediately!” – 25, F, China
  37. “ I guess someone is being selfish in the relationship.” – 23, M, U.K.
  38. “ No one is a porn-star… Marriage is about love, not sex. Go watch porn or something.” – 21, M, Hong Kong
  39. “Think of your partner’s needs as well and not just your own. You can’t change a person’s desire.” – 24, M, U.K.
  40. “ Don’t be afraid of sexless marriage. It’s better than no marriage, right?” – 30, F, Hong Kong
  41. “Ever thought of medical issues such as erectile dysfunction or menopause?” – 19, F, Hong Kong
  42. “Maybe, someone is gay in the marriage?” – 23, M, U.K.

  43. “I have this issue…. My husband always says he’s too tired or stressed.” – 32, F, U.K.
  44. “ Go home, take off your pants and have sex, Done and dusted.” – 21, M, Hong Kong
  45. “People feel embarrassed of their bodies. No one is a porn-star or Victoria’s secret model. Chillax!” – 18, F, Hong Kong
  46. “Just be happy that you have a wife/husband in the first place.” 21, F, Japan
  47. “Sounds like another breast-xit.” – 21, M, Hong Kong
  48. “Just leave…” – 20, F, China
  49. “ Stop judging others for not having sex.” – 23, F, U.K.
  50. “ It’s absolutely fine… just relax yourself.” – 56, F, Hong Kong

After reading the aforementioned responses, it is evident that many people believe a sexless marriage exists owing to low standards. Some don’t follow society’s misplaced expectations. Many respondents also support sexless marriages. I agree with them. We are not in the position to judge or criticise others, as we ourselves are not impervious to faults. However, I do value honesty and bravery. If one is unhappy, please display the courage to be the responsible person and make things better for yourself. Have discussions, get a divorce or keep yourself busy (by watching porn or your imagination). Don’t sit and complain, as it’s not going to be useful for either you or your partner. Sexless marriages are ok. If you are unhappy with other people’s decision, then learn from them, and avoid it yourself. Judging others and labelling others as ‘right or wrong’ is plain and simple bullying. I’m sure you’re not one of them. So just relax and be happy.


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