Friends, friends, friends (or friends with benefits?)…. We all want to be Mr./Ms. Popular. But what happens if we dare or happen to escalate those friendships into sexual escapades? Men and women often use partners to release sexual tension in times of need, and they probably would not want the emotional or financial burden of a relationship. Is this ethical? I mean, the sex industry is surely going to face setbacks if we all choose to boycott prostitutes, sex toys and pornos. I guess it doesn’t matter if the sex is for free and your partner looks hot. Friends with benefits are convenient when you want the D at 12a.m., an intimate friendship or further connections (providing you with resources).  However, drawbacks include S.T.Ds, unwanted pregnancies and bodily bacteria? Just kidding! Seriously, there are NO drawbacks… C’mon sex is fun! However, people may or may not see things glamorously as I do. Let’s explore the responses to understand people’s opinions.

  1. “The guy I’m sleeping with is not boyfriend material. He’s not something I’m looking for. We want sex.”- 28, F, Hong Kong
  2. “The person I’m seeing has the traits of the perfect partner. But I’m not ready to make a commitment as yet.” – 25, F, Hong Kong
  3. “I don’t want to get into a committed relationship… just something easy and fun.” – 27, M, Hong Kong
  4. “I feel like I’m too young to have friends with benefits. When it gets serious, then it causes problems…” – 18, M, Hong Kong
  5. “I still want to see other people….” – 17, F, Hong Kong
  6. “It’s because a lot of the time she is afraid and doesn’t have the time for a commitment. I fear getting hurt and have loads of work to do.” – 18, F, Hong Kong
  7. “Sometimes, guys are more emotional. Better to have some distance… I don’t want them to get angry and have hurt my feelings.” – 18, M, Hong Kong
  8. “I’m too busy for a real relationship.” – 27, M, Hong Kong
  9. “My main thing is that I’m not ready to fully incorporate another human being in my life because that means I have to compromise my own routine and lifestyle for my mental space right now. Friends with benefits is more manageable and flexible.” – 24, F, UK

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  10. “I’m too busy for a relationship, or should I say, I haven’t met anyone that makes me want to make time for a real relationship.” – 28, M, Hong Kong
  11. “…… Because I need sex.” – 37, M, Hong Kong
  12. “I want to have a girlfriend so I can spoil her with gifts and love… but today’s relationships are bland and boring. Friends with benefits are way easier…” 19, M, USA
  13. “I guess it’s because showing emotion isn’t deemed manly these days.” – 19, M, USA
  14. “I broke up with my girlfriend… it’s hard. I just want to have sex.” – 28, M, Hong Kong
  15. “I want to have fun… one night 4 girls.” – 26, M, Hong Kong
  16. “I just want the D…..” – 22, F, India
  17. “Some people lack empathy; they just want to use people for personal gain.” – 52, M, U.K
  18. “I miss the excitement… it’s as simple as that.” – 34, M, Sweden
  19. “I NEED SEX.” – 34, M, Hong Kong
  20. “I want to have friends with benefits to have fun and kill the stress. I prefer a stable sex partner, though.” – 27, M, Hong Kong
  21. “I demand to sleep with human.” – 31, M, Hong Kong
  22. “Maybe for no reason… I’m bored and lonely.” – 39, M, Hong Kong
  23. “I just to have Friends with benefits because I’m bored and want to kill time.” – 30, M, USA
  24. “Sometimes, I just want to have sex… but I also want someone to listen to my feelings. A stable sex partner can provide that for me.” – 27, M, Hong Kong
  25. “It is because I want to have many girlfriends instead of one.” – 30, M, Hong Kong
  26. “I just want to have some fun.” – 32, M, U.K
  27. “Yeah, because it doesn’t bother me. Relationships are hard to maintain.” 17, M, USA
  28. “I don’t desire to be in an exclusive relationship.” – 25, M, Spain
  29. “Some people want sex without any of the emotional attachment, I guess…” – 26, F, U.K
  30. “I used to be with a girl…. we became so busy, and we drifted apart. Sex is the only way to keep us together. Unfortunately, we are only friends.” – 24, F, India
  31. “I sleep with my friends with benefits just to pretend that I have a boyfriend.” – 21, F, China
  32. “I just need to have sex tonight. Why, are you free?” – 28, M, Hong Kong
  33. “I think women (married) are very unhappy with what they get at home. So, they choose to have FWB in order to get more exciting action.” – 34, M, U.K
  34. “I think men want to exploit females for sex in exchange for a relationship afterwards.” – 27, M, U.K
  35. “I guess we just want sex… we don’t want to hurt each other’s feelings and we want to see other people as well.” – 23, M, India
  36. “I’m just horny, and I really like sex… especially with you.” – 23, M, U.K
  37. “I just want to have some fun…” – 38, M, Hong Kong
  38. “An F___ buddy makes you feel good after every earth-shattering breakup. He is good looking, charming and available. Kind of like takeout food.” – 39, F, USA
  39. “I guess men don’t care about the girl’s emotions. Just want to use them for personal gain.” – 28, M, Hong Kong

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  40. “Men are men……, what can I say?” – 55, F, Australia
  41. “I guess I’m kind of horny.” – 22, M, USA
  42. “I don’t see friends with benefits as being a bad thing. I see it more as taking a friendship to a new level.” – 34, M, Russia
  43. “There are no boundaries in the relationship. You can do whatever you want.” – 23, F, USA
  44. “I don’t want any commitment.” – 34, M, Hong Kong
  45. “I just want to release sexual tension… watching porn is a different experience.” – 28, M, Hong Kong
  46. “I just like to eat…. you know what I mean.” – 40, M, Hong Kong
  47. “I don’t want to worry about cheating or anything because you see other people… No feelings will get hurt.” – 32, F, USA
  48. “I guess guys want to have a real-life sex toy.” – 32, M, USA
  49. “It is convenient… You can do it anytime you want (if your partner is available).” – 40, M, Hong Kong
  50. “I aim to try and make both of us feel good. What is wrong with that?” – 39, M, Hong Kong

To conclude, people who have friends with benefits are portrayed as dirty, selfish and unstable. Well, this could be somewhat true. Some people seek sex partners to eliminate stress, explore sexual fantasies and to have fun. Others may want promiscuous sex to erase unpleasant memories about their ex-partner, ease loneliness, reduce boundaries (physical/emotional) or avoid having trust issues. Friends with benefits might be today’s version of a healthy relationship. Many of us are busy, stressed, unhappy and too unsure of our future to be 100% committed to our partner. There can be red flags if you or your partner wants nothing but sex. It may send the message that you do not seem to care about people’s feelings since intercourse is meant to express love and intimacy. However, men and women have the right to express their physical being in a manner that suits their sexual needs. Who am I to step-in, and be the moral police? I think friends with benefits will work out smoothly if both parties are open and honest about their intentions. In the end, sex is to be enjoyed. Just be aware of STDs and unwanted pregnancies…Love, Doctor. Po.

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