Location: London, UK
Name My Fear
I’m afraid of … commitment
Understand My Fear
My Fear Trigger… I have never had a long-term partner; I have only ever had a boyfriend for a week or so at a time. I have been on lots of dates and like the idea of having a partner, but I get so scared! As soon as someone starts getting close to me, I clam up and want them to go away.
I’m Feeling This Way Because … Growing up and throughout school, my friends and I would choose a different boy we liked and this would change week to week. As time has gone on and they have all gone on to have long-term relationships and even getting married (!!!) and I am stick stuck in that mindset of wanting someone new all the time. I have never been in love, just in lust – I like the chase and as soon as that starts to wear off, I move on. I know that rationally, relationships aren’t always sunshine and roses and the honeymoon phase will eventually wear off. However, I have never met someone who I’m willing to take the good and the bad with!
Educate My Fear
The Next Step to tackle My Inner Fear… I’m in my late-twenties and heading towards 30 in a couple of years. As I said, most of my friends, if not getting married or in long-term relationships, have at least had some experience of what a relationship is. I might ask them for their input. I’m also planning to come off Tinder and Hinge, as these apps are breeding grounds for one-night-stands and casual relationships. I doubt I’ll find my long-term partner there. I will try Bumble as I’ve heard this could be a better way to meet someone. I think I need to be more open-minded when meeting people, as I think I put a mental block on myself straight away. Maybe it’s time to start having natural developing relationships rather than going straight in for worrying about the future!
Conquer Your Fear
I’m Going to Feel Once I Move Forward From The Fear… I really hope that I can feel that I can experience a healthy, full relationship with someone else. Although I know I don’t NEED to be with someone (28 years of being single has shown me that!), I would like to experience trips and date nights and even lazy Sunday mornings with someone. Eventually, I might like to get married and have children, but this is something I’ll need to put out of my mind if I’m going to be working on my romantic relationships occurring naturally.
Thank You, Fear
I’m Grateful For The Fear Because … Although I haven’t had a full-blown relationship with someone and feel like I have missed out on quite a lot, I also have done so much on my own. I have travelled, achieved things, started a business, all on my own and this shows me that I can be independent with no one having to support me. This tells me I’m going to be okay no matter what. However, it would be nice to share my wins and losses with somebody, you know? I also thing my fear of commitment has shown me what I like and don’t like. Therefore, I have not spent years of my life in a relationship that doesn’t serve me, or that I’m not compatible in.
The Learning Experience From My Fear… No one NEEDS anyone, we’re all capable of great things alone. However, as we get older, it might be nice to share some companionship with someone else. I would like to know what it’s like, and finally be able to join my friends on couple trips and not be a third wheel! I’m looking forward to having an adventure in life with someone else, but equally, I’m not going to force it. I can do it alone if I need to!