We’ve covered a lot of fears during our Fear Museum series, and I am often surprised, not at the worries people have in their lives, but at the amazing advice and help that can be sought for these concerns. Today is no different. We spoke to the lovely Niki Wells, a Devotional Leadership Coach & Transformation Guide. She works with women to stand fully in their authentic sovereign expression and live out their bigger life purpose and mission on this planet, through 1:1 and small group mentorship programs. Her work and business are centered on the intersection of mindset, spirituality & healing and today, she is here to help you with your Pistanthrophobia – or fear of trusting your partner.
What is Pistanthrophobia?
Pistanthrophobia, or fear or trusting people, put simply is often the result of experiencing a serious disappointment or painful ending to a prior relationship. As a result of the trauma, the person with this phobia possesses a fear of getting hurt again and avoids being in another relationship as a way to guard against future similar painful experiences.
Niki says that a lack of trust in your partner is actually a question of where do I not trust myself.
“Do I trust myself to live in alignment with what is true for me, and am I willing to express my truth from a place of wholeness within myself. Or am I living outside of myself?”
The work that Niki does with her clients centers around learning to become our most Sovereign selves, in all areas of our lives. “To become more Sovereign,” Niki says, “means to become the Queen of your life. It means you do the work to live your life in alignment, you learn to choose yourself. You learn to trust & honor yourself and your needs. And more importantly you learn to express those needs.”
So when these fears come up, it’s actually an opportunity for you to grow and become more YOU! But we don’t want to tackle these fears through the mind, but rather through the heart & the body.
Getting clear on the root of these fears
I invite you to take some time to connect into your body. Find a quiet space and allow yourself to relax, taking slow deep breaths in and out. Imagine a little version of you inside an elevator in the middle of your head. Now take the elevator ride down until you land in your heart. Yup, your heart. Breathe here and focus your attention on your heart space.
Now ask yourself the question, what is the lack of trust in my partner really about? What actually feels true? How can I develop a greater sense of self-trust? How can I better communicate my authentic truth to my partner? I want you to ask these questions to your heart and allow your heart & body to give you the answer, NOT your mind.
Take some time to write out whatever comes up. You might find that your fears actually have nothing to do with a partner and all to do with what you think about yourself.
Once you’ve gotten some clarity around the root of the fear, you get to responsibly take action. Did you discover that the fear is actually about something that happened in the past? Or perhaps it’s more about how you feel about yourself?
How can you take what you’ve discovered and shift your thoughts and behaviors to be more aligned with what you do want? Taking action might mean having a conversation with your partner about what you discovered. It might mean setting new boundaries within your relationship. You get to decide how your life & relationship will unfold!
You can reach Niki on Instagram or via her website.