Sex is supposed to be an extremely enjoyable thing to do. There’s many ways to do it, and many people to do it with! But how many times have you found yourself wondering what to have for dinner, or admiring your toenail polish while you’ve got your legs in the air? If the answer is many, you are definitely zoning out during sex.
Can’t keep your mind on the activity at hand? Here’s what you can do to get your head back in the game.
Why Do We Sometimes Zone Out During Sex?
Zoning out during sex happens to many of us, and it’s totally normal! It can be down to tiredness, our busy lives, some stress you’re having in your work life, trauma or even things like being in unfamiliar surroundings. It can also happen when you’re not particularly enjoying the sex and you’re finding it boring.
There are a few reasons why it keeps happening though:
- You’re overthinking it: Thinking too much about what could happen during sex can make it hard to pay attention to what actually is happening. You might be thinking about how good you need to look for your partner, or whether you’re giving them enough pleasure rather than thinking about the task at hand. A note – you don’t need to worry about any of those things!
- Distractions: How can you concentrate on sex if your phone is buzzing away? Is your favourite TV show playing? There are lots of outside factors that can make it hard to pay attention to what’s going on between you and your partner.
- Are You Bored?: Maybe it’s because you’re doing something that your partner is into but does nothing for you. Maybe you’ve just been having sex for a long time and you’re ready to stop. That’s okay!
- Fantasising: It can be really sexy to fantasise about scenarios, activities, or other people to get turned on when you’re having sex. This is totally normal and fine as long as you can still focus on what’s happening in real life. It’s possible to get so wrapped up thinking about these fantasies that you forget about focusing on the connection between your body and mind.
- Performance Anxiety: Related to overthinking things, performance anxiety is the feeling that parts of the sex you’re having are not living up to expectations. We’ve got a great article on this subject to explain more here.
How To Bring Back The Mind / Body Connection
There’s heaps of things you can do to stop zoning out during sex. As mentioned, it’s normal to zone out every once in a while if you’re going through a lot or you’re tired. If it’s becoming a problem for you though, here are some things to get you ‘back in the zone’.
#1 Practice Mindfulness
Before any sex takes place, take a moment to tune in and focus on your body and the sensations you’re experiencing. Think about what you’re feeling, the sound of your breath, the sensation of what your body is touching. Try doing this during the day in non-sexual situations as well. This can help bring your mind more into your body when you’re engaging in sex..
#2 Relaxation Techniques
Before sex, try things like focusing on slow and deep breathing, do some light stretching, meditate or exercise. Why not try this amazing Reiki relaxation for mind / body connection? Relaxing your body before sex can go a long way in helping relax your mind.
#3 Pick the Right Place
Are you comfortable? Can you make sure your phone won’t ring? It can help to pick a space where you can control the things that you need to create a relaxing and sexy atmosphere.
#4 Respect Your Natural Sex Drive
Sometimes you’re just not up for sex, and that’s okay. Don’t force yourself – you’re entitled to say no and then have another go when you’re in the right headspace.
#5 Have Fun!
Don’t just lie there if you can feel yourself zoning out – reconnect your mind by changing position, engaging other body parts, and using toys. Being aware of what you’re feeling and responding to it is a great way to re-engage with what’s going on.
sexAgain, it’s totally okay and it’s normal to get distracted during sex. If you catch your mind wandering, don’t fight it. Just notice that it’s wandered and gently try to bring it back to focus using the techniques discussed above. Getting frustrated about getting distracted can be just as distracting!
What makes you zone out of sex and how do you bring it back?