How To Be More Vocal In Bed and Does it Make You A Slut?

Let me answer the question in the title straight away. No. Hard no. And here’s why…

As we saw from last year’s Love Island, the lovely Maura Higgins was seen to dress provocatively, talk about being horny, flirting and vocalising that she wanted to have sex. Nothing wrong with that, right? However, on the night that she was supposed to spend the night in the hideaway with her partner Tom, she overheard him talking to the other boys and say: “let’s see if she’s all mouth“. Well, it’s fair to say that Maura was livid. She told him to go and “f*ck” himself.

All over the internet, fans rejoiced at the shut-down of misogyny and blatant slut-shaming for the pure and simple fact that Maura is a very sexual person – but that does not mean that her body is for every man she even looks at. Let me be clear: talking about sex is not the same as actually having sex with someone.

Later on in the series, the beautiful Maura disclosed to the others in the group that she had had sex with just three people in her life. The others, along with the audience watching were gobsmacked, but to that I ask why? Just because she is beautiful, has sex appeal and is vocal about sex, it’s not fair to assume she has had sex with a lot of people. Even if she had, so what?

To that end, being sexually vocal and having a lot of sex is not the same as ‘being a slut’, either. Another person who was widely slut-shamed across the media and social platforms was contestant Megan Barton-Hanson (sorry for all the Love Island references guys – but it’s a great platform for social commentary!).

She was extremely open about the fact that she had slept with a lot of people and that she knew exactly what she wanted and liked. People were very quick to shame her, calling her ‘dirty’ and a ‘slag’. However, to my mind she was a breath of fresh air. Here is this gorgeous woman, standing firm and proud about what she wants – there’s absolutely 100% chance that she wouldn’t let a man screw her over!

 

 

Since then Megan has worked with many different publications as an advocate for straight-talking sex. She’s working with Ann Summers to close the orgasm gap between men and women (yay!) and has also said that she found it “baffling” that Love Island producers cut the sex scenes from the show, as “we shouldn’t be shamed, and men talk about it all the time”, she told Grazia magazine.

It seems to be one rule for men and another for us, but slowly – that narrative might be changing. Importantly, what happened to Maura and Megan was a public wake-up call for all of those men out there who believe ‘banter’ means nothing, assuming they’ll get away with it. This way of thinking is an outdated concept – we’ve moved on from women taking the back seat sexually, and it’s time some people got the memo.

 

Here are some sexual affirmations to remember and to tell you how to be more vocal in bed if you want to be sexually confident but are worried about the reaction you’ll get:

 

  • Your body is yours and yours alone
  • You are not obliged to give anything from your body to another
  • Having sex with who you want to have sex with is no one’s business but your own
  • Never let anyone use your femininity against you
  • To that end, use your femininity in any way you like (as long as it doesn’t cause another person harm)
  • You are free to explore your sexual desires
  • Be grateful to your body and the sexual pleasure it provides you
  • Exploring your body and growing into sexual wellness is a priority for you, and that’s okay
  • You pay attention and listen to what my body needs
  • You are entitled to as many orgasms as you like!

 

Have you ever been slut-shamed for being open about what you want?

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