How To Have Mind Blowing Sex?
The pandemic truly put a spanner in the works for those of us on the dating and hook-up scene and it’s something that many are looking forward to getting back to. As restrictions begin to lift, there will be more opportunity for us to connect with people, enjoy ourselves and (hopefully) get our rocks off.
But is it actually possible to have great sex the first time you sleep with someone? Can you have mind-blowing sex and avoid any party catching feelings? And can you put your stable relationships at risk if you end up hooking up? For Sexual Health Awareness Week, we caught up with Reed and Florence, the women behind ComeCurious – the YouTube channel and podcast where they discuss all things sex, body and mental health honesty for some up-front input on your concerns.
So first off, let’s talk about hooking up culture. Even despite the pandemic, is it something that people are doing more of? The ladies at ComeCurious think so: “If we’re ignoring lockdown, people are definitely hooking up more and having casual sex,” they say.
As we live in a culture now where there aren’t as many obstacles such as, “no sex before marriage”, ComeCurious puts being open and the availability of dating apps down to the abundance of casual sex as “people are taking their sexuality into their own hands, owning their sexuality and their lusts.”
“If you chat, build up sexual tension, talk about what you both are into. Basically, communication can be the key to having great sex when hooking up with someone on the first time.”
In terms of having mind-blowing sex when you’re hooking up with someone for the first time. ComeCurious suggest that it depends on many different factors: “You don’t know if that person is going to have the same sexual approach as you, or be into the same things. But sometimes you do bump into that person casually, where the chemistry is high, the passion is electric, and you both enjoy the same things, so it just works!” They explain that it also depends on communication before the first time: “If you chat, build up sexual tension, talk about what you both are into. Basically, communication can be the key to having great sex when hooking up with someone on the first time.”
For many of us, there can sometimes feel like there’s pressure to impress when you’re going to have sex with someone for the first time, but how can we ease that and is there a way to prepare?
Reed and Florence think that it’s always good to go into sex for the first time without too many expectations. “Sometimes, if you prepare too much, or try and impress,” they say, “then there is a lot of pressure then put onto the situation. Which, depending on your personality type, could ruin the experience.”
#1 Hot Tip For Mind-blowing Sex
Always best to go into the first time casually, not putting in too much effort, and not necessarily planning it. Basically, the less prep, the better, but always practise good hygiene!
One of our readers came to us with a concern:
“I want no-strings-attached sex for a bit, after my break-up. I want it for me, I want to be selfish. Can I stop the other person from catching feelings?”
Feelings are out of your control, there aren’t really any ways to stop people from catching feelings. The best thing you can do is communicate and be really honest about what you want, have clear intentions. Sometimes you both go into the situation thinking that you’re being clear and honest about what you want, and feelings still somehow get in the way. It’s just how you go about working with that if it does happen. Always be communicative and honest, that’s the best policy!
One more issue from one of our readers:
“Hook-up sex is sometimes disappointing. Okay, most of the time it’s disappointing. I want to cum! What am I doing wrong?”
The sex you’re having isn’t just about what you’re doing, it’s about both people. So you always need to make sure you communicate during the experience. Let them know what feels good and normalise owning your own pleasure – even with a partner. There’s also nothing wrong with bringing along a lil’ vibrator to help out for those hookups! I think it’s also good to point out that you need to choose sexual partners that put your pleasure equally to their own.
Tackling The Orgasm Gap
You may have seen recently that Megan Barton Hanson is doing a campaign with Anne Summers which highlights the ‘orgasm gap’. This gap suggests that a huge amount of men are orgasming during sex and women…well, less so.
ComeCurious suggest that we can help to close this gap by “being more open about sex, educating ourselves and others!” They say that the more we know about pleasure, and human sexuality, the more present we will be in sex.
Importantly, Reed and Florence believe that orgasms “shouldn’t be the end goal of sex, we should be focusing on all other aspects of intimacy and pleasure – an orgasm is just a bonus if it does happen!”
#Last Hot Tip For Post-pandemic Hook-ups
If we remove the pressure from the situation mentally, we’re actually more likely to be able to climax. We basically just need to get more in touch with our own pleasure and then our partner’s and be able to communicate about what really works for us. Everyone’s bodies are different, so it’s an ongoing conversation.
We asked if Reed and Florence recommend any other sexy tricks for those interested in having some post-pandemic hook-ups. They suggested bringing along “a lil’ shag bag, which includes; condoms, lube, toys (bullet vibe or something bigger), toothbrush and spare pair of undies.”
This can help you avoid those awkward moments because you’re literally fully prepared!
Other than that, “make sure you’re communicating, being honest and most importantly having fun!”
Download and listen to the award-winning podcast from ComeCurious, F**ks Given now.