We’re on a mission to provide an affordable channel to boost your mental health. So, each week, we’re checking in with our community to see how they’re working on their mental health and their goal towards happiness. We invited toJiveny Blair-West, Dating & Relationship Coach to give us some tips and advice on relationship issues.
Q: “My boyfriend constantly craves my emotional support, as he’s very frustrated with his job status. However, I’m bit tired to do anything and just feel it’s too much for me to handle his emotions as well as my own. So, I’m now on a ‘cool off’ period with him. On top of that, my family doesn’t think he’s very suitable for me! I seriously don’t know what should I do with my relationship…even though he wants to try to make things work between us.”
A: “It’s certainly a difficult situation to be in and even harder when your family doesn’t approve. While I can only give general advice based on this small snippet of information, I would advise that you take this cooling off period as an opportunity to consider whether or not you have aligned vision and values. This is perhaps the most important factor influencing whether a relationship is going to last for the long term or not, so let’s break down what this really means:
A vision is a plan, of varying levels of detail, for the voyage you would like to create and experience in this lifetime – especially in regards to the broad strokes of what you expect from life. Things like: Do you want kids or not? If so, how many? (two is different from five.) And if you do have kids, are you expecting that both of you will work, or do you want one of you to stay at home and look after them?
Another example of a vision question is: Where do each of you want to live, e.g. in the country or the city? Country living is completely different from life in an apartment. Ultimately, our defining our vision means getting in touch with our ideal lifestyle. This needs to be explored as individuals first (so that you’re not tempted to jump aboard someone else’s ship just because you care for them). Then you can have a discussion to see if your individual visions align or not. This does not mean your visions have to be exactly the same, but they do need to be compatible, otherwise one of you is bound to feel resentful down the track.
Following on from vision, our values are the moral compass that will steer the ship along the way. More specifically, a value is a guiding principle that is central to the way in which we live our life. Some examples of values could be: personal growth, integrity, family, health, wealth, travel, creativity and environmentalism.
While it can be really hard to come to terms with the implications of misaligned values in an already long-term relationship, if there are already other issues at play, it can be very useful to take into consideration the long-term compatibility of the partnership.” – Jiveny Blair-West, Dating & Relationship Coach
If you’re currently struggling with any relationship issues, feel free to reach out to Jiveny at https://jiveny.com/