We’re on a mission to provide an affordable channel to boost your mental health. So, each week, we’re checking in with our community to see how they’re working on their mental health and their goal towards happiness. We invited toRobyn Michon, Relationship Coach to share us some tips on finding a new connection.
Q: “I’m scared of intimacy. I’ve been single and independent for so long, I’m now fearful of relationship and fear I’ll never find a good connection again.”
A: “Being scared of intimacy comes from thinking we need to protect ourselves and worrying that getting close to someone means we might get hurt. This comes from not understanding what really creates connection and how we control how connected or disconnected we feel.
Connection with someone isn’t something that just happens or doesn’t happen. Feeling connected and getting close is created by what we are thinking about that person and what we think they are thinking about us.
I can be sitting with my partner on the couch and thinking “He doesn’t get me. He never wants to talk.” and I’ll feel disconnected, which will create me not talking about how I am feeling. I won’t show up as myself and I won’t share myself, which will create disconnection.
Or, I can be thinking “He wants to be with me. He cares about what I think.” When I think those things, I’m more likely to open up and talk about how I’m feeling, which creates more connection.
When we start seeing how we can create connection with someone if we want to, then we feel in control. We don’t have to wait for the right person to come along or fear that we will never find connection. We can create connection in the relationships we have right now and we can end a relationship that’s not working because we don’t have to fear never finding connection again.
Here are 3 ways you can practice creating connection:-
1. Start with creating more connection and closeness in the relationships you already have with friends, family and even co-workers. What are you thinking when you feel connected with them? And what thoughts create you feeling disconnected? Start to see how your thoughts in your mind are creating how connected you feel.
2. Practice connecting with yourself. We fear rejection and getting close to other people when we reject ourselves and when we aren’t close to ourselves. Try being more aware of your self-talk and practice compassion for yourself.
3.Reach out and connect with one new person this week. It might be someone you haven’t talked to in a long time or it could be getting on a dating app and messaging someone. Doing this will feel uncomfortable but it will help yourself see that there are people out there wanting to connect with you.” – Robyn Michon, Relationship Coach
If you’re feeling stuck in your love life, feel free to contact Robyn via Instagram.