How To Cope With A Quarter Life Crisis?
With all the pressures of modern life, time can move quickly. Have you ever stopped and looked around at your life, realised you’re quarter of a way through your life and then panicked, as you feel you haven’t achieved or done as much as you wanted to? You may be having a quarter life crisis! So, what can you do when you’re feeling a bit lost and overwhelmed in your life? We spoke to Kenya Imani is an Abundant Life Coach and CEO of Kenya Imani Coaching to give us some tips on what to do when you’re feeling like you’re running out of time! Here are the given scenarios from our readers:
1.“I’m feeling lost and not satisfied with my life… I feel like I’m not achieving what I’d like to achieve at 29! What should I do?”
Kenya: Honestly everybody goes through this! So don’t be too worried about if you will come out on the other side, you will! Some advice and tips to help:
- Take it easy. When people find themselves in this predicament they go into crisis mode because they think they’ve done something wrong or that they can take one action and everything will be alright again. This is a clear sign that you are not on the right path or at least you need to stop and reflect and see if you truly want all of the things you’re leading to.
- Take inventory of your life. I always ask my clients, what isn’t serving you right now in life. Is it location, your job, your relationship with others, your faith, or your relationship with self? Get clear on what’s out of alignment and then you can get very specific as to what action steps to take.
- Get brave! Making a change in your life, especially at this time, can be daunting! You’ve planned your whole life out, you thought you figured it all out. But you can change and life is all about learning and growing and changing. Be brave enough to shed an old vision of yourself to usher in what’s better for you as you learn and grow
- CUT IT OUT/OFF! Yeah, you want to get more satisfaction and happiness out of life, you have to release and cut out what isn’t working or holding you back from your goals. You have to be brave enough to do this, which is why #3 is get brave! There is no point in making lofty goals to have a happier life if you’re still holding on to people, ideas, places, or habits that will continue to weigh you down. If a job is draining you then it’s time to start exploring what were your original interests or your new interests and how you can make that a career. If your dating life is crap, time to look in the mirror about yourself and what you actually want and only go after those things.
- Okay, now we can get into the goal-setting. Make specific goals that will increase YOUR happiness and life satisfaction. Set due dates, think about all of the things you will need to do to accomplish this goal, get an accountability partner, and just put your head down and achieve it. Setting the goal is the easiest part, working towards the goal is the most satisfying, achieving the goal is an opportunity for reflection and more growth! Remember – working towards the goal, or the journey is the best part.
Lastly, just give yourself some grace and know that you’re doing everything right. It’s okay to not be happy in life sometimes, but you take the time to figure what needs work and work on it. Because you owe it to yourself to be happy!
2. “I’m scared that I am not successful enough compared to my peers… and I hate that feeling, especially when I look at their Instagram feeds, they have done this and that. However, I haven’t achieved much this year! I hate myself…”
Kenya: This year during COVID-19 has been rough. It has affected so many plans and life changes. The best thing we can all do is be patient as we make it through this difficult time (and practice social distancing and wear a mask). Because this time has been so difficult, give yourself a break! Focus on your mental and physical health before thinking about all of the things you didn’t accomplish this year. Continually beating yourself up isn’t helping at all. Young people have an unhealthy mindset when it comes to time, we think that everything is immediate and experience immense anxiety when we think something bad will happen if we are “behind” or “late”. This comes from the societal expectations of behaviors and accomplishments solely based upon age. Free yourself from age and time expectations and go at the speed that’s right for you, doing what’s right for you.
When you compare yourself to others, you are putting them before yourself. You are defining yourself and worth outside of yourself and that will set you up to be consistently unfulfilled with life. Instagram isn’t real. Trust YOUR process and know that you’re in the right place AND the right time right now.
Also, do you want the things you see people achieving on Instagram right now? I know all of our friends are getting married, but are you even ready for a relationship, let alone marriage? People are moving around the world, but are you happy where you are now? Everyone’s life and circumstances are different, focus on yourself.
3. “I am pretty lost in my career path… I don’t hate my job but I feel like I don’t make any impressive impact at work? I don’t really fit in there… with the second lockdown, it makes things worse.”
Kenya: If you don’t hate your job and you’re just in a slump the first thing you need to do is find time to reflect on what is the impact you want to make in your life, not just within the job duties assigned. Also, think about what are the parts of your job that most excite and interest you. Lastly, write down a list of the new things you’re interested in that may be missing from your job currently.
It may not be time for a new job but maybe a promotion with increased responsibility or more high-level duties. I am a big proponent for creating your own development. If there are professional development opportunities available at your company research them all and choose the ones that may be of interest to you. If you have professional development funding but there are no resources that interest you at work, look online for outside courses and certifications you can earn to make yourself an indispensable employee. Lastly, read books and take free classes that interest you.
Use the lockdown time to reflect on what interests you and what may be next whether it be at your current job or a new company. Also, your skills and experiences can still be useful in other fields. Open your mind up to other fields and see what’s out there!
4. “I always think that my partner is not compatible with me, which makes me want to cheat or find someone better…”
Kenya: If you think your partner isn’t compatible, why is that? Really narrow down what about this person or your relationship is not compatible with you. Get very specific and clear about what you want in a partner and relationship.
I would never recommend cheating on someone. If you’re that unhappy, communicate with your partner first, and if nothing works out then leave them. No matter how incompatible no one deserves to be betrayed.
Lastly, slow your roll a bit. They always say the grass is always greener on the other side but are you willing to risk it to find out? In a relationship or single, it’s always important to remember to focus on self-love and working on ourselves to also be good partners to others.