A thriving workplace can be a hotbed for competition and comparison. Even if you like your colleagues, you can often find that you size yourself up to your peers, especially when it comes to promotion and recognition. Doing this however, can lead to feelings of self-doubt, anxiety and can breed an air of coldness at work. So how can you overcome this comparison? We spoke to the lovely Rebecca Lockwood, a teacher of Neuro-Linguistic Programming who gives women the tools for how to be the best possible versions of themselves in business and life. She is also the founder of the Female Entrepreneurs Network, which is committed to supporting women in the entrepreneurial world carve out their success plan and walk confidently on the path of their biggest, bold dreams.
1. “I always feel like I’m so behind everyone else at work. In meetings I can never think of anything good to say and kick myself afterwards. I feel like I’m going to be overlooked when it comes to promotions.”
Rebecca: When we think like this it is usually down to limiting beliefs that we have about ourselves. We usually are not consciously aware of these thoughts, however they do create our behaviours and the way that we act. I remember when I worked in a corporate sales office, I always felt as though I wasn’t being listened to. It can be a challenge to turn our focus inwards, and this is what will make the differences. When you begin to focus your attention on the inside, working on yourself and developing yourself personally, then naturally the things on the outside will also begin to work in your favor too.
2. “I never put myself forward for anything proactively at work as I’m so worried I’m going to fail – also I know my work mates could do a much better job than me. I think people are beginning to notice – what can I do?”
Rebecca: The key here is in the word ‘think’. When we think things it is made up of our own subconscious programming. Our thoughts are made up of our own perceptions and those are made up of our own thoughts, choices we have made in the past. Choices we have seen others make, values and beliefs that we form around the age of between 2-7 and are still carrying around with us. When we think things about ourselves we are going to project them out into the world which creates our behaviours, which gives us our results in life. Instead of thinking about what other people think about you, think about what you think about you and work on that.
3. “My best friend is also my colleague and we’re at the same level. She always tries to outdo me and it’s affecting our relationship and I’m beginning to get anxious about coming into work. How can I tell her to back off?”
Rebecca: Think about this from her perspective. See it through her eyes, what is she thinking, what is she saying and what does she believe is happening in this situation? Really associate into her and her thinking. You may observe that she is potentially feeling threatened by you and feels as though she needs to do more to reach your level. Once you have done this, really allow yourself to think about all the reasons she is acting this way, and also all the reasons you believe she is acting this way. They may not match up. Then speak to her, just ask her simply about it and explain how it is making you feel. She probably has no idea how she is making you feel.
4. “My boss definitely has favourites, a kind of ‘inner circle’. It’s like you can’t get anywhere if you’re not in it. It’s toxic but almost like we have to try. It creates a competitive and frosty atmosphere. Is this normal?”
Rebecca: This is not normal, but can sometimes happen due to the way we communicate with each other as humans. Your boss may not even be aware of this happening. Evaluate what you want from your role and what actions will benefit you in your life. Then take action from a place of abundance rather than lack. When we see a situation as being limiting for us then we can take limiting actions. Focus on what you want, and how you want to be seen by your boss and work on that.
You can contact Rebecca via her website or Instagram.