How to change negative thoughts into a positive one?
If you’ve got a lot going on in your life, it can be difficult not to feel overwhelmed and overrun with thoughts. If you’re especially stressed, these thoughts are likely to be negative and will have an impact on your overall mental state, if you’re not able to get them under control. In addition, Negativity that wells up inside of you or in the world around you can quickly become toxic and hold you back from living the life you want. Lauren Tamayo is a Neuro-Linguistic Programming practitioner (NLP) Expert and Success Coach, helping women get to the root cause and overcome procrastination and comparison. Here, she shares tips on how to change negative thoughts by clearing your mind…
1.“I had a really bad day at work and feel like everything I have done didn’t go as smoothly as I had expected.”
Lauren: Any time you’re feeling like you aren’t having the best day, things aren’t going as smoothly as you expected, or you’re generally not feeling like your best self, I want for you to take a couple of minutes to simply breathe, taking a few deep breaths in and out. We are each our own worst critics. Whenever we have negative thoughts, negative feelings or emotions, we often find ourselves continuing to think more of the same type of thoughts, feeling the same types of feelings and emotions. This is where the power of the “pause” comes in. I always recommend to my clients whenever they experience a negative thought, negative feeling or emotion to bring awareness to what is going on in their mind and body then take a couple of minutes to pause. In this time allow yourself to breathe, acknowledge that these thoughts, feelings, and emotions are coming up for you while reminding yourself with this affirmation “thank you, I am safe and I am capable.” Use this time to also reach out to a loved one in your life, friends, and family to talk about the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that you are feeling.
2.“I wanted to take some time off from work but my manager refused. I feel angry with the situation, and why she is not being considerate.”
Lauren: Often, we feel like we aren’t in control of our lives. We might feel that other people and events control our lives, rather than both knowing and believing that we are in complete control of our lives. Right now, you are living in effect by giving reasons and excuses for you not being able to take some time off from work and that by your manager refusing, she isn’t being considerate to you.
What I want to offer you is an opportunity to look at what specifically makes you feel angry about the situation. It’s important to know that your manager refusing you to take some time off from work is neither a positive or a negative situation. The thing that is causing you to feel angry is your thoughts. Take a couple of minutes and allow yourself to write down all of the thoughts you have right now with your current situation, being that you wanted to take some time off from work but your manager refused. Once you write down all of the thoughts you have, take note of how you feel because of these thoughts, this is where you could write that you feel angry. Next, consider what actions you take and what results you are creating having these thoughts and feelings. Now, this is your opportunity to shift your thoughts by using this practice and aligning with the thoughts, feelings, actions, and results you desire. Some further questions for you to consider are: is there a chance your manager refused because you didn’t clearly communicate why you wanted to take some time off from work? Is there a project happening at work that requires you to be there that you weren’t aware of before or that your manager is asking that you be there for it? Did you allow enough time from when you were planning to take off some time?
3.“My boss wanted me to fully take charge of upcoming projects, but I am not ready to take on any challenges. I fear I would let her down.”
Lauren: Fear is a powerful emotion that often keeps us from achieving our goals while living a happy and fulfilled life. While fear is a powerful emotion, you are also a powerful being. I want you to notice how this opportunity to fully take charge of upcoming projects comes from your boss who knows the abilities and knowledge you have and also sees the potential you have, even if you aren’t able to see it at the moment. I want to offer you this fun exercise of Flip Your Fear. Start by writing down the fears that are coming up for you with your boss wanting you to fully take charge of upcoming projects. Do you fear that you’re not ready to take on any challenges? Do you fear that you would let her down, your colleagues down, and the company down? Once you get out of all the fears that are festering in your mind, flip them. To flip these fears mentioned above, try these: “I am ready to take on any challenge that is presented to me” and “I have the skills, knowledge, and resources to successfully take charge of these upcoming projects.”
4. “One of my colleagues got promoted but I wasn’t. I am jealous of her promotion and make me wonder what I have done wrong?”
Lauren: The fact that one of your colleagues got promoted but you weren’t (at this time), doesn’t equate to you having done anything wrong. In this situation, I want to offer you a reframe: is there the possibility that your promotion is coming at a later time? Could this be an opportunity to speak to your boss and ask if you could schedule a time for a performance review? Was your colleague promoted within your department or another – if it was inside another department could this promotion have been recognised within the company as necessary for overall business growth? As jealousy in the workflow can put a strain on relationships within the company and cause problems, consider what specifically you are jealous of towards your colleague getting a promotion? Is it the pay raise, the recognition, or something entirely different? Once you have an understanding on what specifically is causing you to feel envious, use the new way of thinking model shared above to create the intentional thoughts, feelings, and actions you are committed to taking in order to feel more fulfilled in your job.
5. “I feel terrible that I have made a wrong move with my client. I am disappointed with myself…how can I stop beating myself up over this?”
Lauren: Overthinking is the biggest cause of unhappiness. One teaching I want to share with you is, “there is no failure, only feedback.” Using this new mantra, I encourage you to take a look at your experience with this client and consider these questions: “what is the wrong move you feel you made?” “what can you do to mend and improve the situation with this client?” and “how can you assure that with the next client you don’t make that same move?” Beating yourself up over this is a choice you’re making but here’s the beautiful thing: you don’t have to choose to beat yourself up about this situation. You have complete control and power in your life to decide the outlook you have on this situation, what you can learn from this experience and how it is going to benefit you in the distant future.