How To Get Your Partner to Open Up & Trust You?
Does your partner find it hard to express their feelings? Perhaps they see themselves as super manly, and never opens up to you. When this happens, it can be frustrating – as of course you want your romantic relationship to be a two-way street built on love, openness and trust. So, how exactly can you get your partner to open up and trust you?
Daniela Birch is the Author of F*ck the Fairy Tale Ending, the host of Awake TV Network and is a worldwide known, Intuitive Relationship Specialist and Akashic Record Reader. Her inner calling is to bring together as many couples as possible, as being in the right, supportive and loving relationship is what she desires everyone to experience. Here, she tells us how to support your partner without bruising his fragile ego…
Daniela says that most men have been raised to not feel safe to express their feelings, or to show vulnerability. “They have been programmed by generations and society for thousands of years to be manly and not a ‘sissy’
“Young boys are quite often praised for not crying and made to feel they need to be more stoic.”
She also believes that young boys are often made to believe that emotions are a “sign of weakness”, where “one or both parents, quite often will make them feel this is not acceptable, and so between the ages of 3-7 they learn to build walls of protection, around their heart.” As boys grow up into adulthood, these layers of protection begin to become apparent, once they are in a romantic relationship. Daniela said: “When your partner starts to become defensive and offended, this is a clear sign he is going to shut himself down and begin to avoid his feelings.”
Opening Up Is A Process
Daniela explains that getting your man to stop being annoyed and ego-hurt when you ask him to open up is a “process”.
“Any thought of him having to look at himself and connect inwardly, will be highly uncomfortable and challenging. He most likely, won’t want to feel pressured and pushed into needing to express himself. So, having this awareness will require you to be very gentle, understanding and patient with him, without getting upset.
“When a man feels he can express himself without being judged or berated, over time he will gradually relax. How long it takes will depend on how many layers of shame, he is hiding underneath.”
When men are with their friends, they can sometimes try to act ‘cool’ and use you as the brunt of the joke. First of all – know that’s not okay. You’re equal and not there to be laughed at. If this is happening though, how can you explain to your man that he needs to treat you better?
Daniela says that boys think differently to females generally and are not always ‘deep thinkers and that they don’t always understand that their actions are hurting our feelings. She says that boys find it difficult in front of their mates especially, “to admit they really care about us, or to show us any kind of affection.”
Communicate How You Feel
The best way to handle this, Daniela says, is to openly express and communicate how you feel: “When he is in a place of actively listening to you, begin the conversation with something like “I am feeling really hurt, when there is no consideration for my feelings”. By coming from this angle, where you are taking ownership for how you feel, and not accusing him directly, he is usually more open to change things in the future; as he won’t feel you are attacking him.”
Importantly, Daniela reassures you that he isn’t most likely doing this deliberately to hurt you. It is also going to depend on his maturity levels and how open and willing he is to address his behaviours. She also advises you to try to not to take things too personally: “Just keep speaking your truth and ask him to treat you with respect, as you deserve this.”
Do you often sit and wonder what your partner is thinking, because they’re such a closed book? How can you get them to open up over time? Daniela says that this can be a challenging kind of relationship to be in, yet “if you are patient and don’t pressure him too much, over time he could potentially begin to open up.”
Are They Numb Inside?
Many men, Daniela says, learn to avoid their feelings, “especially if they haven’t felt heard, appreciated or valued, growing up as a child.” Quite often they have cut themselves off from experiencing any kind of emotion. Due to some trauma, when they did express anger, hurt or betrayal in their past. Daniela continued: “They have learnt it is better to switch off their emotions and have now become numb inside. This has become their ‘normal way of life’ and so when you ask them what they are feeling, it can be a genuine “I don’t know”.”
Daniela says that these kind of guys need to feel “safe” to open themselves up: “If they have been criticised from a parent and they have learnt it is safer not to feel, then they will need to work though healing their underlining pain, usually by an experienced practitioner.
“The final piece of advice from Daniela is to be “loving, supportive and nurturing, and to give him time. He most likely has been holding these numbing feelings for many years, so the more he does feel safe with you, then with some luck he will begin to open himself up.”
Daniela’s masterclass ‘Becoming Magnetic to True Love’ is coming in late 2020, and will teach you how to have a better understanding of yourself and to why you aren’t receiving the love you desire.
How to get your partner to open up? What are your tips?