We’re on a mission to provide an affordable channel to boost your mental health. So, each week, we’re checking in with our community to see how they’re working on their mental health and their goal towards happiness. We invited to Valentina Tudose, Dating Coach & Relationship Expert, to help us some tips and advice on coping with commitment anxiety.
Q: “I have recently been dating a guy, and whenever he gets too attached, I get scared away – but when he backs off, I get anxious too… I also get frustrated with myself, like why do I keep attracting guys who aren’t serious about me? Why do I feel really pressured when people want me to commit? What can I do to change this?”
A: “Relationships are people-growing-machines. We connect with people with similar energies because they act like mirrors of the things we need to learn about ourselves. What you are going thru here is a classic ‘runner-chaser’ dynamic, which happens when we don’t fully trust ourselves and we need to learn to find balance in the way we connect with others. Ask yourself “What am I really afraid of that makes me run away?’ Most likely it’s your fear of being hurt if you allow yourself to love fully. This distance is a defence mechanism that comes from a subconscious belief you may have that love hurts or that you are not loveable so if someone gets too close they will ultimately reject you because you are not good enough for them.
If you also notice a pattern that you keep attracting people who are not serious, ask yourself “Am I really ready for a committed relationship?”. Most likely, their lack of commitment is a reflection of the fact you do not feel ready for the openness and vulnerability required for a serious committed relationship and more work is needed to clear those issues in yourself before you can attract your ideal partner. – Valentina Tudose, Dating Coach & Relationship Expert
If you’re struggling to find a relationship, reach out to Valentina at happyeverafter.asia