How To Have More Orgasms?

Sex is wonderful, especially when you’re in tune with your body. Whether you’re on your own or with a partner, there is no end of possibilities for what you can get up to in the bedroom. But what if we could make sex even better? Orgasms are fabulous and they’re something that just don’t get old – so who wants more of them? We caught up with Jocelyn Silva, MSW Sex Coach, who helps women and femmes let go of shame and embrace their sexy with confidence. Sounds good to me – so we asked her: how can we have more orgasms and communicate with our partners on a deeper level?    

1.  “I can get really stressed due to work. I treat sex as a key source of stress relief, the problem is my sex partner can sense that I am not really there when we have sex. I mean, I also want to have more fulfilling sex.”

    Jocelyn: Sex is a great stress reliever and there is a way to be able to engage with your partner in a way that feels both soothing and cultivates an element of connection. When we are engaging sexually with the intention to only relieve stress, we are leaving out the 3 most important aspects of our sexuality. Sexuality is 20% physical and 80% emotional, spiritual, and psychological. Sex with the intention to relieve stress without connection only leaves room for the physical aspect without the 80% that allows you to have a complete sexual experience. To combat this and get into a state of full mind, body, and spirit connection, try these things:-
  1. Talk about your feelings of stress with your partner before engaging. When we are under pressure and stress, talking about the feelings is a great way to get them out and sort them through saying them out loud. You are not only getting out what is going on inside your head, you are also allowing your partner to hold emotional space for you that will in turn, grow your trust and connectivity
  2. Meditation is an amazing tool for stress relief and mind, body connection. Before engaging sexually with your partner, sit/lay in a position that feels comfortable and alert, close your eyes, and take 10 deep breathes, expanding your lungs and belly as you breathe in and contracting as you breathe out. When we take deep breathes, we send a signal to our brain that we are in a relaxed state and get ourselves out of the flight or fight mode.
  3. Move your body. Going on a 30-minute walk daily, joining an outdoor workout class, or doing yoga are great stress relievers! Not only will you feel great afterward, you will also enhance your blood circulation which aids in higher libido and stronger orgasms.
Utilising sex as a way to relax is wonderful, but in order to create a strong connection to another person and give yourself other outlets, you remove the dependency on sex to make you feel better in moments of high stress.    

2. “I am usually extremely exhausted after a long day of work and don’t feel like having sex. How can I communicate to my partner I don’t want to have sex without hurting his feelings?”

    Jocelyn: You coming home too tired to have sex has nothing to do with your partner, but it definitely is a difficult thing to communicate as they might think that it does. Sometimes it is not a matter of why, but it is a matter of when? If after work is not the best time for you to have sex, when is? Perhaps it is in the morning before you go to work? Or on the weekends when you have more energy? Think about your ideal time/day and offer your partner a solution to the issue. That way when you are ready to tell him how you feel, you can offer options that work for both of you. A few tips on how to bring this up in a way that is effective and healthy:

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