About three years ago I was out with my friends in London. We were going to this amazing new club and we had been looking forward to it all week. I wasn’t even worried about it being expensive, as since it was the opening, they were giving out free drinks and there was going to be a vodka luge. We dressed up and got ready together at my friend’s house and I felt a million dollars. I was wearing a short dress that I’d borrowed from my friend which I’d always loved!

We took some selfies and then were ready to hit the town. By the time we got to the club, we were a little bit drunk already due to drinking a few bottles while getting ready. The night was buzzing with excitement and we felt so cool being at a club opening in London. We were pulled to the front of the queue and felt even more A-list.

Once we were inside, I was really excited and before I knew it, we were on the dancefloor after having some complimentary shots of straight vodka from the luge. Again, I marvelled at how amazing I felt, to be 24 and at an exclusive club launch. We were surrounded by people I thought looked so cool, and I knew that a famous rapper was sitting at one of the tables which made me feel even more excited.

All of a sudden, I felt his hand come up to touch my underwear…

Soon enough, we were surrounded by people wanting to dance with us and we just let go – I mean, that’s what being in a nightclub is all about! I was pretty far gone by this point. I’d been to the toilet previously and found it hard to balance! I knew I was too drunk and needed some water, but I just kept dancing. Suddenly, there was a guy in front of me who wanted to dance. I didn’t get a good look at his face because it was so dark and the lights were flashing.

All of a sudden, I felt his hand come up to touch my underwear, and before I knew it, his finger had slid up inside my vagina. I froze, before breaking away. I spent the rest of the night inside the toilet pretending I was sick. When it was time to go, I couldn’t see the guy and didn’t tell anyone. I have lived with this for a long time now and still have feelings of shame and anxiety around men and the audacity that someone felt they could touch me like that, even if I was dancing with them. Sometimes it plagues me.

 

Here’s What I’ve Learned…

#1 It Wasn’t My Fault

It took me a long time, but I’m finally realising it wasn’t my fault. I was drunk and I was wearing a short dress and yes, I danced with this man – but that doesn’t mean he had any right to touch me whatsoever. I suffered sexual abuse and it was his fault, not mine.

 

#2 Know My Limits

Although this wasn’t my fault, I know I was too far gone at the club. I should have been more aware of my surroundings and eaten before I started drinking. I know alcohol affects me quite a lot so I should make sure to keep checking in with my tolerance level.

 

#3 Not All Men Are Like This

I was single for a long time, with feelings of disgust towards men, that they could do something like this. Since then, I have met several lovely men, who I know deep in my heart would never touch a woman like that without her consent. Meeting them has allowed me to heal.

 

#4 I Can Move On

This affected me quite badly for a while and I found it hard to cope with feelings of shame and anxiety around men. Although I didn’t report that man (and I should have), I know it’s unlikely I’ll ever encounter him again and will not be in that situation again. I’ve spent too much time worrying about it and it’s time to leave it in the past.

Subscribe to our newsletter
Don't miss the chance to
Transform your life
#supportsystem