The Reality Of Dating In The Modern World
Dating has romantic connotations, does it not? Thoughts of walking in the park, milkshakes or coffee in a charming cafe, and red roses. The beginning of a burgeoning relationship with fleeting glances, hand-holding and first kisses. Well…not anymore.
I remember my foray into the world of early internet dating whilst back at uni. It was fun – a whole sea of people to choose from and get to know. No longer was I being approached by odd men in bars, I could actually specify the men I wanted to talk to down to their height and eye colour!
Now, I’m no longer dating – but I did meet my husband on Bumble, so can we say SUCCESS? However, a lot of my friends are single and dipping their toes in the ocean of dating apps on the market right now. By the way, I’ve been told Bumble is out, and Hinge is in…shows how much I know.
Here are a couple of one-liners showcasing their current feelings of the modern dating scene:
- “It’s a constant sea of change. One day I’ll be inundated with messages and the next, they all disappear! Do they want a relationship, or not!?”
- “I find it like a playground. It doesn’t feel real and some guys can really play with your feelings. If I find anyone on there, I will be amazed.”
- “I just want snuggles and all I get are struggles!”
#1. People Lie
Just like you were taught in school about stranger danger on the internet, it seems that some people can’t help themselves but embellish who they are when they’re behind a screen, even in this modern world of Instagram and geotagging. Not just big whoppers either – what with FaceTune and Photoshop galore, how do you know who’s the real deal? A friend said: “I met a person who was not the person in their profile pictures. They hadn’t edited them – it was a completely different person. I really don’t know how they thought they were going to get away with it. I got out of there so quickly.”
#2. Keep An Open Mind
Something I have heard from those currently on the dating scene is that they thought someone they had met was great – they looked amazing, had a laugh, had great chat…but. It’s almost like a search for perfection which will never come because – no one is perfect! With the hundreds or even thousands of potential partners on these apps, it is quite easy to search and discard until you find The One. But ask yourself – are you being a LITTLE too picky?
So…What Are The New Rules?
Back when Friends was on proper TV and landline phones were au fait, is was common that you wouldn’t call someone after a date for a few days. It was THE RULES. But what about now, when everyone is online all the time? Personally, I am quite straightforward and would tell the person I would like to see them again at the end of the first date. I know some of my friends would completely disagree with me, though! Don’t forget though, the person who cares less holds the most power. If you haven’t heard from someone for a while and don’t think you’re their priority, realise your worth and move on.
Go With The Flow
With things changing all the time, there’s not really much you can do about it except roll with the tide (or punches!). If you’re feeling uncomfortable or you’re not having fun, take yourself out of the game for a while.
If you’re struggling to find someone, please try not to stress about it. You’re not a half trying to find a whole – you’re a whole person as you are. You know that at Kossie that we’re all about self-love and wellness – and how can you love someone else when you don’t first love yourself? Focus on yourself, try to be happy on your own for a while until you’re ready to date again.
Do you have any modern dating stories to tell us? We’re listening!