It seems like every week, there’s a new dating term to be aware of. We’ve had wokefishing, ghosting, breadcrumbing and all manner of others – all things to look out for when dating in the modern world.

What happened to good old fashioned talking and seeing if you like one another? Just kidding, everything these days is far too complicated for that. So we’re back again with yet ANOTHER dating trend to be aware of when you’re swiping right trying to find Mr or Mrs Right.

It’s ‘Whelming’.


So, What Exactly Is ‘Whelming’

It’s another annoyingly manipulative one. Coined by Patia Braithwaite for SELF, whelming is when your new match randomly decides to tell you just how exhausted and overwhelmed they are by the abundance of matches they’ve got on the dating platform, or the business of their dating lives in general. For example:

“Oh my god, sorry for not replying quickly, I just have so many matches it’s really hard to keep up!”
“It’s really hard to choose who to go on a date with from everyone I’ve matched with. So many matches, so little time!”

What’s the point in Whelming? To me, it appears like insecurity. They’re trying to get you to put more effort in because they’re clearly so in demand. It’s manipulating you into thinking they’re highly desirable when in fact they may not be.

Unless you’re a particularly competitive person, it’s likely that the technique of ‘Whelming’ won’t work. I spoke to Harriet, 27 who said: “I have actually experienced this! I was talking to quite a hot guy who would always mention his other dates when speaking to me, or tell me how many people he’d matched with that day. I think he wanted me to feel jealousy – the most I ended up feeling was sorry for him”.


How To Make Healthier Choices For Your Mental Health When Online Dating

As you know, dating is a minefield and one that is seemingly harder to navigate. Sometimes when you’re all talked out or you’ve encountered one of those infamous ghosts, it can be easy to want to completely give up. Please don’t over’whelm’ (see what we did there?) yourself with dating apps and all the hurdles they come with. Take a look at the guide below to check you’re making healthy choices.

#1 Take a break

You don’t constantly need to be talking to someone, or have dating apps on the go. Even if you don’t delete your profile, you can just remove the apps from your home screen so you’re not constantly checking it, especially if you’re not having the best run with the people you’re matching with.

#2 Connect offline

It’s not written in the stars that you 100% need to meet someone on a dating app, even if that’s common these days. If you’re constantly on your phone, why not put it away when you’re out and about – leave a little room for kismet and serendipity. It might not happen but you can always try!

#3 Find the right app

Each dating app had a different ‘vibe’. Tinder is the home of the booty call while Bumble is a little more tame. What is it you’re looking for? Have a think about that then have a play with the apps to see which one sits the best with you.

#4 Relax

Don’t rush it! The best things appear when we’re not looking, and if you’re coming across all of these annoying trends, you may be forcing it by connecting with people who aren’t necessarily the best for you. Take a beat.

Have you been a victim of ‘Whelming’? What was it like? Let us know!

Subscribe to our newsletter
Don't miss the chance to
Transform your life